You're A Shinigami? I Am A Shinigami!
by NotAHero101
Summary: Come join Ryuk and pals for some extra-terrestrial bullshit! Third in the Series: Alt!Forget The Rails Alt!Joker's Wild This.
1. Chapter 1

...

Tap water dripped along in the background, his slowly filling kitchen sink ignored as Higuchi kept his gaze on the table'd book before him. His body rocking the slightest in his chair. His greedy, malevolent eyes setting the Shinigami in the room uncomfortable.

"Whose name do you intend to write down first?" The pale creature, the one that had gifted him Kira's power, questioned. A glint filling up it's eyes.

"... You said I can choose anyone?" Higuchi questioned, his unblinking eyes filled with greed. His mind ran thousands of miles a minute, picking out the best targets. Picking out the best way to increase his company's standing, and of course, his own personal.. Assets.

"So long as you-" The creature's voice continued, once again explaining the rules available. Rules he'd long since memorised, yet he had enough sense not to instigate the creature of death before him. Even if her manner, for whatever reason, almost seemed more humane then him.

He certainly wasn't in denial about his morales. The fact his first thought regarding the book of death had been about the profit he could make out of it certainly told him enough.

With a suppressed shudder, at the power he now had in hand, Higuchi slowly but surely put pen to paper, about to put in his first name before to his surprise. The god of death before him flinched back, it's already pale features paling further as it's chaotic eyes widened. The demon's footsteps audible as he watched it take a few steps back. Higuchi narrowed his eyes, his gaze momentarily turning back towards the book. His mind briefly wondering if the creature could in fact read minds... The reaction shown coming from his intended choice...

He barely paid attention to the fact that his first thought was borne out of dread. Dread for the possibility that there were in fact people he couldn't just be rid of after all.

And then the proverbial shoe dropped as the god of death spoke.

"Who is that..?" Rem was it? Higuchi ignored the shiver that went down his spine as he turned to face the shinigami's focus. His own gaze landing on a youthful face. One that held eyes that, for lack of a better word, terrified him. His body locking up as his breath hitched at the sight of the sheer chaos looking directly at him. The sickenlingy sweet smile sending all kinds of warning signs through his head.

"Why can't I see his name!?" The creature continued, Higuchi already on the move as he pocketed the notebook, his footsteps carrying him towards the voice's side before-

'BANG!' The sound of a gunshot filled his kitchen as his body suddenly stopped moving, his breathing haggard as he minutely turned his gaze downwards to the sight of red filling his stomach. His body collapsing as he fell to his knees. The book long forgotten as he forced his gaze onto the smiling stranger. His words lost as he mustered the most hateful glare he could manage. Yet all it seemed to do was earn an even bigger smile out of his, at this point, guaranteed killer.

"Seriously..." The stranger shook his head, idly crouching down to pick up the dropped book of death. His gaze promptly locking onto the creature he could now see.

The lack of any reaction at the sight of a death god told him plenty. Said stranger's smile slowly turned into a chuckle, one that grew into an outright laugh as he raised his gun towards him for the second time, this time aiming higher. Making certain even that he wouldn't see the next five minutes. Let alone tomorrow. Funnily enough, the irony of how random his death was never occurred to him.

"Who brings a book to a gun fight?"

...


	2. Chapter 2

...

L watched the screens before him, a grim look in his eyes. His hand idly putting a handful of sweets through his mouth. The room having long been silent since the morning. On the screen before him, Light Yagami, Kira, was currently struggling. His panicked cries a far-cry to his earlier state.

"I am telling you Ryuzaki! I am not-" L closed off the mic, his eyes narrowing further.

It didn't make sense.

None of it did.

Turning towards the other screen, he was met by an even more baffling sight. Misa Amane, while similar to Light's reversion... Took on a whole different level I truth. The woman's very personality seems to have been rewritten! While Light's confusion and bafflement was certainly curious, deep down, L knew that it was only the surface that was effected. That the student's personality, while certainly different, wasn't to the same point of extreme as Misa Amane's.

Though that might've had more to do with the fact he had no training in dealing with crying women.

Atleast Light wasn't crying.

That would be a very un-kira thing to do-

'CRASH!'

L's snapped his gaze backwards, his suspicions immediately getting confirmed, towards Matsuda.

The officer in question having knocked over his mountain of sweets in his hurry. A blasphemy act he most certainly wouldn't have tolerated had Matsuda's expression shown anything else.

"Matsuda, you idiot..." He still couldn't help the slip as he palmed his head. Yet, it seemed to be a day full of surprises as Matsuda gave him his own one.

The officer didn't so much as bat an eye, his colleagues all flowing through the same door he'd just bulldozed through. All, but chief Yagami. All filled with as much confusion as he felt... Only he didn't know why. He certainly knew why he himself was confused... He doubted the others felt the same way about the situation.

They'd need to have figured out as much first.

"We-" Matsuda caught his breath. "We caught something! A transmission!"

L gave him a blank stare.

"You knocked over my sweets. For a Transmission?" He questioned dangerously.

"It's about Kira." L's head snapped towards Aizawa, his irritation slowly disappearing, instead replaced by further confusion. Light was still in custody. As was Amane.

Was there a third he didn't know of?

"It is Kira!" Matsuda remarked, standing straight up again. "Tv Tokyo announced it!"

"Announced what-" L began to ask before, once again reigniting his irritation, Matsuda promptly picked up the wrong remote and switched off the surveillance.

"A-Ah. Damnit..." Matsuda murmerred, immediately switching the surveillance back on before grabbing hold of the other remote on the table while L grabbed the bridge of his nose.

"Apparently, he's going to reveal himself." Aizawa added on, his eyes locked onto the nearby TV set, Matsuda slowlygoing through each channel.

"Reveal himself?" L questioned dubiously, his eyes once again turning towards Light's frame. "Are you sure about that?" He questioned, humourlessly, his hand idly putting another sweet into his mouth.

In response, Matsuda evidently found the right channel.

The white background and large K in the middle was a quick giveaway. The static screen not showing nor sounding off anything else.

"You think it's another fake?" Aizawa questioned, idly taking a seat.

"Or another of Light-kun's friends. Maybe it's a boyfriend this time."

Matsuda, despite the grim wording accusing his chief's son, couldn't help the snort. The man immediately covering his mouth afterwards. The others didn't take the words nearly as well. Though none of them had the chance to respond as the channel screen promptly changed. The visual static blinking in and out of existence as, to L's shock, the image disappeared. A recording quickly taking it's place.

"Is this currently live?" L questioned, watching as a youthful face emerged amongst a shadowy background. The recording showed off the strangers upper body, covered in a pink and white vertically striped shirt, the rest hidden by an empty table. A single candle set just before the man's face been the only source of light showing off the smiling stranger.

Aizawa's intake of breath told him the others hadn't bothered to check. "Find the source, now!"

He turned his full attention to the screen, his hand routinely going over the mic connected to the two cells, making sure they were off. His mind calculating and recalculating as it prepared itself for-

**"Ignore the following voice exercise."** Was certainly not what he expected to hear... The man's cheeky expression not matching the chaotic eyes behind them.

L's own warring mind, for a moment seemed to slow down, effectively dubbing the idiot on screen the kind that would do anything for a small bit of fame-

"**El El El El!"** The stranger continued, the voice in tone going higher by the second as L promptly snatched the remote out of Matsuda, earning an undignified cry in the process, his hands hovering over the volume control, his gaze minutely turning back towards Light's visual screen, idle curiosity filling his mind.

A distraction maybe?

**"****Law. Law. Law-" **The voice continued, this time stilling the detective'ing genius in the room.

"Law? The law?" L ignored Matsuda's whisper to himself. His gaze slowly turned back towards the, presumed, attention-seeking idiot on screen. His eyes widening as the stranger pulled something out from under the desk. A handful of what looked suspiciously like photos, though he could never be sure-

"That's... Those are our pictures!" Indeed they were, the stranger currently airing across Tv Tokyo was flashing the camera said photos.

"**Li. Li. Li**e**-" **The stranger continued, L's heartbeat steadily rising, his breathing uneven as he slowly edged away from the screen. The others turned towards him, bemusement clear in their eyes.

"**T."** And with that, the stranger coughed once, beamed another humourless smile towards them and introduced himself.

"**Hello world. My name is Kira."**

...


	3. Chapter 3: Step 1 Break The Bank

...

I kept the smile, staring directly at the camera. Even as my, err, criminal- Thats the word! I've got standards to keep after all, helpers dutifully followed the instructions to a T.

In that they were currently filling up Higuchi's country home with a station's worth in fuel. I was rather glad the man had decided to leave the safety of the city to embark on his Kira'ing journey.

It felt marginally better knowing I was only burning his home alone. Which given what I have planned may or may not paint me as the tiniest bit hypocritical. But alas, human body, human needs to survive.

And needs must.

"I want everyone to memorise these wonderful servants of society," I remarked towards the camera. Idly shifting one arm onto the table, palm under my chin. My smile however dimmed near the end. A glint filling my eyes as I frowned.

"And of course-" I idly flicked L's photo from the bunch, showcasing it to the camera properly. "Their amoral leader. Ryuzaki." I waited a beat, giving the camera my best deadpan look. "And that's coming from Kira."

The candle flickered in the silence that followed, my smile slowly growing back as I promptly decked the pictures together in one move. "These, wonderful-" I repeated the phrase, finding an oddly sour taste to my mouth. "People are one of the few to disagree with the new world order." My smile disappeared again, my gaze looking down towards the decked set of pictures. Soichiru Yagami's face stared back at me, unflinching.

"Not that I can blame them... What use are police in a crime-free world?" I questioned no one in particular.

Letting out a snort, I shook my head. "For the past few months... They've been nipping at my heels-" I palmed my face, false exasperation showing, the stack of photos falling haphazardly onto the table. "Which, don't get me wrong, is their job."

I took a deep breath, my gaze narrowing the slightest.

"I just want to get one, very small thing clear. While I have everyone's attention. I am by no means clean. In fact, I am as criminal as they come!" I more or less felt Rem's robes brush past me. The shinigami having made her return, taking her place near one of the corners, out of view, even though no one could really see her in the first place.

"Which is exactly why, I am more than willing to play dirty. Not to say they've had any success whatsoever wasting yourhard-earned money... And for what? So you can go back to feeling unsafe? So you can walk the street at night wondering if you're going to make it home?" I briefly closed my eyes.

"Which frankly means little to me. Kira's crusade started out of personal ego. Nothing so grandiose as cleansing the world." I snorted, leaning further on my palm. The bone creaking the slightest, though the pain didn't register. "That was more of a side benefit really," The smile grew back, only for the first time today, it was genuine.

"Anyway!" I clapped my hands, the motion not nearly as fast as I'd hoped, nor was used to. In the slightest. "The reason I am even doing this in the first place is simple," I nodded, the smile slipping away as a passive expression took over.

"I believe in an eye for an eye. You, Ryuzaki-kun have tried time and again to force my hand. And now?" The smile slipped in instinctively, the urge to cackle missing and as weird as it was, missed.

"It's my turn. And though you somehow failed at every turn, quite literally losing the plot. I can assure you, I won't." I let out a chuckle for that one, my head briefly shaking as I locked gazes with the camera again.

"And remember folks. This **was** only ever meant as a warning. I hope you like the results." And with that I promptly switched off the camera. My gaze slowly going towards the open notebook set to the side. The page one of a hundred of duplicates, though each one had a different name on top. With a few minor changes going through out. Though for all intents and purposes. All of them, had more or less, a single almost basic command in it.

All of them, practically celebrities in Japan's Corporation World.

All of them, literally criminal in near damn every way.

All of them in charge of what amounted to 15% of Japan's economy.

It was only a warning after all.

And all it took was finding a single one of them. The amount of information I'd managed to get out of that rat had been near unbelievable!

And that was coming from me.

Why Light never went for them himself was beyond me, given how easy finding out about them turned out to be for me. Though it might've had something to do with their positions in the business world. Most of which didn't exactly have a boss to answer to but rather more of a mirror of themselves.

All of them directed to transfer every last drop they could manage of their companie/s assets overseas. Each and every one spread out between hundreds of off-shore accounts, a few opened in my own name quite recently, though I kept tabs on the rest. The majority of it, more or less, went to funding the very world L and Pals were trying to save.

The criminal one at that.

...


	4. Chapter 4

...

L forced down the urge to gulp, his shoulders shaking in response. There was a threat there, that was obvious for anyone to see. But the warning? That he didn't understand. That he was worried about. If it really was Kira... And he had their names and faces... What kind of warning _doesn't_ constitute killing them?

The temperature in the room seemed to have dropped. He blinked his eyes, the blank channel before them not doing them any favours. Turning his head minutely, he frowned further at the sight of the motionless officers. Their bemusement clear for him to read. Matsuda was currently tentatively looking between him and Aizawa. The latter simply staring at him. Likely waiting for orders.

Orders he didn't have.

Frankly... He wasn't sure _what_ he had.

A fake Kira? Two Fake Kira's, _maybe? _What was he supposed to do with that?

Still the silence continued, Matsuda's unease growing by the second. Even _Mogi_ the most reserved of them all looked tempted to speak up. To _say_ something.

And wasn't that a bad sign?

Closing his eyes, though he turned his face back to the surveillance screen monitoring K- Monitoring _one_ of the potential suspects presumed to be Kira. His mind drew back on those memories. On the moments he'd experienced where he'd been _absolutely _certain of Kira's identity.

The most obvious of which, was of course the moment he'd met the _second_ Kira in person.

He could still remember the feeling of... Well, it was hardly triumph.

Truthfully, these days that feeling didn't come as often as it used to. Though he supposed in a sense he was glad it had eventually stopped. Sure it used to _feel_ good... But the fun tended to end badly. Besides, beating the _geniuses' _at their own game never resulted in a rematch. Given they usually ended up in Jail. Or _worse._

A pity really.

He shook his head, his knees immediately going ontop of his chair, one finger on his chin as he _focused._ As he recalled every meeting he'd had with Light Yagami. Ever- And then, for perhaps the third time in the past hour, L Lawliet found himself surprised.

Matsuda had broken the silence.

Worse yet, Matsuda had said something _clever._

Something so clever it was dangerous.

"Hey... Didn't you say Kira could control people before their deaths? Didn't you say he... Practiced..?"

L's eyes narrowed. His teeth grinding the slightest as he considered the words.

"What if..." Matsuda turned a look towards Aizawa, the other giving him his full focus for once. "What if Kira could..." L's eyes narrowed further at the sudden stop, his mind having already reached the other's question.

"Light Yagami was not a puppet." He stated thinly.

"Oh come on! You can't seriously still think he's Kira after that!?" Aizawa suddenly yelled, the man having jumped to his feet. "We have to tell them!"

Right, Chief Yagami wasn't aware of what had occurred.

Aizawa's eyes steeled themselves, the man's demeanour turning suspiciously calm. "_I_ am going to tell them." He stated calmly as he turned on the spot and promptly started making his way.

L wanted to stop him. He wanted to _yell_ at him to stop even.

And for the fourth time that _hour_, L found himself surprised again.

He was starting to despise the feeling.

For he didn't have to stop him.

No, a _phone_ ringing did that for him. Aizawa blinked, his gaze turning towards a rapidly fidgeting Matsuda-

"Ahh Sorry about that-" The man made to, presumably, turn off his phone, the phone he shouldn't have on him, before freezing on the spot as the call seemingly went through on it's own.

Or, well, a voice mail did at any rate. A voice mail that set off another headache for the young detective.

A _voice_ that stopped Aizawa on his tracks.

"Hello! This is _Kira_ again, _pick up." _The sound of the following beep went ignored. And before any of them could so much as twitch, the phone promptly went off again.

Needless to say, Aizawa took a few steps back towards them.

L waved at Matsuda to pick up the call. His throbbing headache growing by the second.

"_Hellooo~"_ The _unmodified_ voice sounded exactly as it had during the recording. Which meant the man was either reckless enough to so brazenly-

"This is Matsuda..."

The throbbing escalated as the young detective promptly jumped off his seat, one hand immedaitely grabbing onto the phone, ignoring the officers surprised yelp.

"_I take it this is Ryuzaki_?"

L promptly memorised the number, because of course he didn't bother hiding it, before answering.

"No, this is Light Yagami." He stated, a passive expression on his face. Even as Aizawa let out a whispered snarl.

"_Oh... Well that's boring,"_

"I. Am. Offended." He tried his best to mimic the teen currently sleeping in his jail cell.

"_Mhm, hardly any point talking to a scape goat, ya know?"_

L figuratively, metaphorically and somehow literally, froze at the words. And given the phone was on speaker-

"You little-!" Aizawa snarled, coming close enough for his voice to go through.

L promptly took a single step back, his personal space having been thoroughly violated, before he pulled the phone up by it's flip cover closer to his mouth, about to speak before he heard the faintest hint of laughter from the other side.

"How are you ki-" He made to question his method of _killing, _admittedly expecting a resounding rejection of the fact though he never got the chance as the voice on the side promptly spoke over him.

_"No, no, save the questions for later, I take it you've all watched my little clip?"_ And though he questioned them, he never gave them the chance to answer. "_Good! But more on that when you're here,"_

"When we're where?" He questioned immediately, a glint filling his eye before-

_"Oh... Why don't you leave that to me." _The stranger slumped him again.

"What doe-" Yet he never got the chance to finish as he watched, wide-eyed, his task force momentarily freeze up, their expressions going blank.

"_Oh, don't worry," _The voice continued, even as the rest of his task force started walking away. L's own body seemingly frozen on the spot as he strained himself to move. To _speak. _"_I'll be sure to leave Watari with the Yagamis."_

And that was the last thing he could recall before darkness claimed him, his own body however started moving, following the rest on their way to the seemingly unknown.

...

When L reopened his eyes, his body surprisingly comfortable on what he presumed to be a chair, the first thing he noticed coming into view was the distinctly darker sky. Yet oddly enough, it didn't seem any less bright.

The _screams_ were the second thing he noted. Screams and cries for help hit the left side of his face like a truck, the detective's gaze immediately snapping to the _burning_ home. His eyes widening before they, finally, snapped forward.

Forward, to the other stranger he'd seen on screen. The full pink and white suit an eyesore to his eyes, though the unkempt hair certainly stood out, going in every which way but down, and if not for the relatively short cut, it would've certainly been defying the laws of physics themselves. The man seemed content to let him think in silence, turning his gaze to the mansion-less side, he released the breath he'd been holding at the sight of his task force. All seemingly unconscious. Though Matsuda was for some reason _drooling._

Turning his gaze to the table between him and the supposed Kira on the other side. His gaze locked on to and frowned at the sight of a toy.

One he vaguely recognised, having seen Near with a similar model.

Was that how he was killing people? Toys of death? If that's the case...

Near must never know...

"Want a drink? I am partial to _ice cream _myself," L almost did a double take at the question.

"Enjoying the view? I had it made just for _you_._ And don't worry..._" The stranger remarked, the throbbing headache from earlier- _Far _earlier given-L completely ignored the sight of one of Watari's _private jets. _Casually parked far too close to a burning building, Instead choosing to focus on the smiling stranger. Enough to finally notice the man was... Currently erasing something out of a... Journal?

"They were all _Arsonists_. The kind that get people _burnt._"

Having noticed his gaze, though missing his veiled _anger,_ the stranger's smile seemed to grow.

"Watch this," He whispered. L's legs immediately going up ontop of his seat, his mind's focus sharpenin-

The stranger made absolutely zero reaction to the action, a fact that came with more warnings then he would've liked. Yet he couldn't tear his eyes away, even as he watched the stranger, almost childish in nature, activate one of the toy's features.

"Stand," The stranger remarked. The small toy on the table taking a few seconds before the small electrical light on it's chest blinked red. The toy slowly but surely twisting it's legs as it slowly got up to it's full height of 12 inches.

L blinked, having seemingly forgotten the toy was voice-activated. Though the small delay indicated it as an older model-

The stranger reached a hand under the table and promptly _smashed_ the toy with a small hammer. The blinking light dimming as the toy's head promptly flew off it's fallen body.

Yet L couldn't see what the-

"Stand," _Kira_ grinned, repeating the word.

L watched the light on the headless robot brighten up the slightest, one arm even twitching before eventually turning off, permanently.

"See... Now if I'd stopped just before the hit _connected_, I reckon he would've stood up," He questioned, idly twirling around an inconspicuous _eraser _in his hand.

"_All fine and dandy, don't _you think?" The stranger smiled, the glint in his eye unsettling the detective further.

...

**For those that caught onto the limitations I've put in for the last part, kudos! Help the rest in the review section!**

**Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget feedback**


End file.
